Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #aim #development #values

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Many governments try to focus on the economic development of their countries. Some argue that it is beneficial,

however

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, some

also

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believe that it is deteriorating for social values of a nation.

While

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I agree that

this

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could lead to some undesirable effects, the upside impacts of it far outweigh the downsides.

First,

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a shortcoming that may occur to

this

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practice is that it promotes individualism and dwindle the social cohesion in society. The exact evidence for

this

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is how workers in a business are not close to each other and consider themselves colleagues rather than friends. In

this

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situation

Add a comma

situation,

show examples

we can see the bond among

people

Use synonyms

in business settings is becoming more decreasing.

Second,

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society is more materialistic and may see happiness can be obtained only through money. In family cases, some individuals now prefer to work at weekends to gain more capital rather than stay at

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

home to have more time with their family.

This

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illustration depicts how

people

Use synonyms

now value money more than their time with family.

However

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, from the perspective of macro development,

this

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means is beneficial not only for the economic sector but for other sectors as well. Health and defence are examples of sectors that have a direct correlation with finance because they

needed

Wrong verb form

need

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a considerable budget to improve their quality. The more money, the better the quality of the facilities, and the better the life

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

that

people

Use synonyms

have in that country.

Additionally

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this

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measure could provide a better education for

people

Use synonyms

. When there is a vast budget to allocate because of the economic level, education must be better as well since it can provide many things

such

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as teachers' salaries and learning media. All in all,

although

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this

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practice could trigger some problems in social relations among the society, its benefits for the country are more desirable.

Submitted by iamlearner9697 on Mon Mar 06 2023

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task response

Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of economic development in relation to social values. However, the response lacks depth and could benefit from a more focused and balanced argument.

coherence cohesion

Coherence & Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure with well-defined introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported, and there is a good use of cohesive devices. However, the essay's organization would benefit from a more balanced development of both advantages and disadvantages to improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

standard of living
economic development
quality of life
infrastructure
healthcare
education
job opportunities
unemployment
poverty
technological advancements
innovation
traditional cultural values
social bonds
material wealth
consumerism
social inequality
environmental conservation
wealth gap
vulnerable groups

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Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

At the present time, populations of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that construction of new public buildings such as museums, towns halls and sporting is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Nowadays people buy a lot of unnecessary manufactured products. What are the effects of this on individuals and society? Is this a positive or negative development?

Many people think the fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. Discuss both views and give your own opinion