Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #aim #development #values

Many governments try to focus on the economic development of their countries. Some argue that it is beneficial,

however

, some

also

believe that it is deteriorating for social values of a nation.

While

I agree that

this

could lead to some undesirable effects, the upside impacts of it far outweigh the downsides.

First,

a shortcoming that may occur to

this

practice is that it promotes individualism and dwindle the social cohesion in society. The exact evidence for

this

is how workers in a business are not close to each other and consider themselves colleagues rather than friends. In

this

situation

Add a comma

situation,

show examples

we can see the bond among

people

in business settings is becoming more decreasing.

Second,

society is more materialistic and may see happiness can be obtained only through money. In family cases, some individuals now prefer to work at weekends to gain more capital rather than stay at

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

home to have more time with their family.

This

illustration depicts how

people

now value money more than their time with family.

However

, from the perspective of macro development,

this

means is beneficial not only for the economic sector but for other sectors as well. Health and defence are examples of sectors that have a direct correlation with finance because they

needed

Wrong verb form

need

show examples

a considerable budget to improve their quality. The more money, the better the quality of the facilities, and the better the life

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

that

people

have in that country.

Additionally

this

measure could provide a better education for

people

. When there is a vast budget to allocate because of the economic level, education must be better as well since it can provide many things

such

as teachers' salaries and learning media. All in all,

although

this

practice could trigger some problems in social relations among the society, its benefits for the country are more desirable.

Submitted by iamlearner9697 on Mon Mar 06 2023

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task response

Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of economic development in relation to social values. However, the response lacks depth and could benefit from a more focused and balanced argument.

coherence cohesion

Coherence & Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure with well-defined introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported, and there is a good use of cohesive devices. However, the essay's organization would benefit from a more balanced development of both advantages and disadvantages to improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays,most of the information is available on the internet, whereas in the past, knowledge was stored in books and on paper. Do you think that advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantage

Newspapers have influence on people’s ideas and opinions. What are the reasons? Is it negative or positive development?

39.It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture. We can learn as much as from books, films and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some young people believe it’s best to move out of their hometowns when they become adults, while others wish to live in their hometowns their whole lives. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.