We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There are several
people
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in the world who suffer from poverty, war and disease who need support from other nations. Some believe that it is not necessary to worry about other countries
,
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;
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they should care about their own society. I strongly disagree with
this
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perspective. On the one hand, it is true that
people
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should assist their own citizens and always prioritise them. There are still many poor individuals in each community who need help from their government.
For example
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, in some hospitals, there are several patients who are unable to pay extra money for the hospital.
As a result
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, individuals and the government can create a charity to collect money for these types of families.
Also
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, rich
people
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can donate money in order to support poor
people
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.
Thus
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, by doing
this
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job unhappy society turns into a peaceful and happy country.
On the other hand
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, I believe that in some developing countries, there is still poverty, which means they need help. The governments in these nations are unable to create a better standard of living for their
people
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because they do not have sufficient resources to use
,
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apply
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in order to provide welfare and adequate facilities for their
people
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.
Furthermore
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, other communities should be concerned about poor foreign individuals.
For instance
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, rich societies can send food, clothes, medicine and other basic needs
for
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to
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poor countries to support them.
As a result
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,
people
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all over the world make a strong bond between themselves and create peace. In conclusion,
although
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being concerned about
owr
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our
own country is crucial, it is important to assist poor communities to have a great world and eradicate poverty all over the globe.

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coherence
Make sure your paragraphs are clearly separated and follow a logical order. It's important to clearly link your ideas from one paragraph to another.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion should summarize your main points more clearly and connect back to the main argument.
content
Add more specific examples and details to support your points. For instance, use more data or stories to show the impact of help on poor communities.
strength
You have a clear opinion and express it well in your introduction. Your stance on the topic is evident from the beginning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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