Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children grow up with wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this option?

There is
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
difference between
children
raised in rich and poor families. I agree with
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
that kids will less
money
are able to assess their childhood knowledge and manage better their adult
life
. Many rich adolescents don't understand real problems as everything was given to them easily. They did not need to fight for anything as
unfortunately
Add a comma
,unfortunately
show examples
money
resolved all their needs. Even though most
children
with
money
have access to better education
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for instance
private schools, it is not
necessary
Replace the word
necessarily
show examples
Change preposition
for their
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
ready to face real
life
by themself.
In addition
, I believe that
money
can give happiness and lots of material things,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
you cannot buy
life
experience. There are many examples of
children
from
poorest
Correct article usage
the poorest
show examples
families that are very mature and can help others with their
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. What's
more
Add a comma
,more
show examples
they are
Add an article
a force
show examples
force
Change the form of the verb
forced
show examples
to think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
to deal with certain situations as sometimes it is the only way to survive. Kids without lots of
money
are
also
, independent and they rely on their productivity.
Furthermore
, being able to deal with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of
money
as a child makes you want to fight for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
and at the same time
they
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
are more self-motivated. In summary, I agree with
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
that
children
from
poorest
Correct article usage
the poorest
show examples
families are more mature and
activated
Replace the word
active
show examples
which means that they can solve any problems in adult
life
. The kids growing up with wealthy parents don’t appreciate the power of
money
.
Submitted by martynaa.j on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • affluent
  • resilience
  • problem-solving skills
  • ingenuity
  • adaptability
  • wealth disparity
  • work ethic
  • diligence
  • responsibility
  • upward mobility
  • extracurricular activities
  • psychological impact
  • insecurities
  • sense of entitlement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: