IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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It is not a secret that we are all influenced by environmental pollution and housing problems nowadays.
Therefore
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, there has been so much discussion revolving around the issue of whether
government
Add an article
the government
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 ought to concentrate on improving these issues to contribute to reducing the rate of human beings who are suffering from illness. The reasons why I partially agree will be provided in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, I opine that these complicated harmful problems will be only solved by administrations and they have potential effects on us. As our planet is becoming more toxic, a variety of unheard diseases have been identified in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern society. Not only that, houses in urban areas are tuning into more sacrifice presences because a multitude of citizens
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to move to these areas. If we have to escape from these
phenomenons
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phenomena
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, the only thing we are able to
rely
Add the preposition
onrely
uponrely
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 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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authority.
For instance
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, executives can increase the number of jobs in the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 to prevent
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
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 crisis.
In addition
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, they have
power
Change the article
the power
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 to control or limit the overwhelming use of chemical substances.
That is
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 why I cannot disagree with the statement.
Nevertheless
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, individuals should put effort and energy to keep themselves from diseases as well. These troubles are not only related to environments but
also
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 a considerable number of factors exist. Among them, personal lifestyles have the most major effect.
For example
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, a person who has consumed loads of
stimulatively
Correct your spelling
stimulative
 sugary or salty food is more likely to have diabetes and heart disease than a human who has had meals healthily
according to
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 the study.
Thus
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, I totally believe that every single person's trying is needed as well. In conclusion, I admit that the administration's control has to be involved to advance the places where we live
in
Change preposition
apply
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as it is the only institute
that is
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 holding a key. Despite
the
Correct your spelling
this
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 fact, we will not be able to observe changes if we don't alter ourselves first because the way
behave
Change the verb form
behaves
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 influences
greatly
Correct pronoun usage
us greatly
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.

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