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Band 6.5

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem?

#doctors #people #today’s #world #exercise
In
this
 modern era, human beings are focusing on other sectors
such
 as finances and education than health. Some experts said that people did not do a lot of activity in the past. In
this
 statement, there are a lot of facts that reduce the physical movement. It has many ways to solve
this
 problem.
To begin
 with the statement of reducing physical exercise, it can be seen that many communities are focusing on working hard because of increasing living expenses. They want to support enough financial to their families to get better education systems for their children and want to get better living standards in their lives.
As a result
, they do not have time to do physical activities because they always spend their time in the workplace.
For example
, in most countries, citizens work the whole day without break hours and enough hours to sleep.
Furthermore
, by improving technology, people are becoming addicted to using social media
instead
 of doing exercises
such
 as going to the gym and doing yoga. It cannot be denied that there are a lot of ways to solve
this
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lack of movement. First of all, the government should restrict working overtime if it is not necessary for the company.
Additionally
, the government and organizations should promote physical activities
such
 as by giving gym membership and by giving a chance to join sports.
Moreover
, social influencers should promote exercise
instead
 of sitting in front of the screen.
Overall
, people do physical activities more rarely nowadays than in the past because of improving modern technology and increasing living expenses. The government and companies should be forced to do their staff and citizens and make a rule and regulations for working overtime.
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coherence cohesion
You need to work on the overall clarity and flow of your essay. Ideas should be presented in a logical order with clear paragraphs and cohesive devices. Use a variety of linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt in your essay. Provide specific examples and fully developed ideas to support your argument. Each paragraph should be focused on a single main idea that relates directly to the question. Expand on your ideas to fulfill the task requirements more completely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • digital entertainment
  • urbanization
  • green spaces
  • pedestrian areas
  • time constraints
  • lack of awareness
  • active transportation
  • infrastructure
  • workplace wellness programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • incentivizing
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