some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some infomation is too important or too valueable to be shared freely.

It is believed
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
by several
people
that sharing as a great deal of info as possible is beneficial in scientific research, work
life
and academic area
whereas
the rest advocate not to
share
information
as they are excessively significant and precious
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
Information
is precious in the world. All
people
spend time and money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
information
all
life
.
According to
one reason,
this
knowledge acquired throughout
life
should
share
other
Change preposition
with other
show examples
people
and the knowledge increase as we
share
about
such
as technologic,
academic
Correct word choice
and academic
show examples
.
For example
, companies like Tesla and Apple, make useful devices and make easier
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
life
. and
also
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
world
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
kind of various types.
On the other hand
, the rest advocate should not think to
share
info with humanity. Some
information
is too valuable and can’t
share
because some
people
don’t know the purpose and the importance of sharing
information
. For illustrate, terrorists can harm
people
by bomb-making videos on the internet.
In addition
,
famous
Add an article
the famous
a famous
show examples
restaurant gives their
burger’s
Change noun form
burger
show examples
recipe
other opponent restaurant
Change the wording
another opponent restaurant
other opponent restaurants
show examples
can
be use
Change the verb form
use
show examples
the recipe and make
better
Correct pronoun usage
it better
show examples
than
famous
Add an article
a famous
the famous
show examples
restaurant. I think no one would like to
share
this
valuable
information
for free. In conclusion,
information
and data have become the most valuable mean in day-to-day
life
in the recent present. It is beneficial to
share
as much
information
as possible in some fields
while
every
Correct quantifier usage
all
show examples
information
cannot
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be easy to find in certain areas.
However
, it should be handled with care and I believe that sharing materials should only use for the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the above-mentioned points could assist my opinion.
Submitted by eesra.kuzuu on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • innovation
  • collective knowledge
  • security risk
  • proprietary information
  • competitive advantage
  • democratization
  • sensitive technology
  • ethical guidelines
  • nondisclosure agreements
  • peer-review processes
  • validated
  • open access
  • regulated access
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