IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?

#people #children #work
Most people believe that
children
 should learn to control
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 is good for their future lives,
while
 another part
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
,
that is
 not available for their
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
This
 essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 that childer should be
interesded
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
 age and the principal advantage is they never challenge
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cash
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the main disadvantage is child psychologists said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we must not
busy
Add a missing verb
be busy
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
fiscal
Replace the word
finances
show examples
.
This
 essay will first discuss the
children
 should study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
 followed by an analysis of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 is not suitable for
children
.
Firstly
,
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 were in their teens when they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
go to
school
, they should learn everything about
money
 in
school
. What is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more,
children
 spend
money
 at
school
for instance
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, entertainment,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
such
 as, they should understand that, spending
money
 how
effect
Add the particle
to effect
show examples
 their financial
candition
Correct your spelling
condition
 so,
they
Correct word choice
so they
show examples
 have to think about
rent
Add an article
the rent
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
month
Correct article usage
the month
show examples
.
For example
, they want to buy a new
computer
 own
money
. They have to think about which
computer
 is proper for their
money
that is
 why, they should think a lot about
species
Correct article usage
the species
show examples
fo
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and
then
 if a
computer
 is bought, they will think
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of the month. All in all, at an early age
children
 learn to control cash, in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 they will never
difficulty
Add a missing verb
have difficulty
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cash. İn addition, most popular psychologists consider
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we should not require our
children
because
Change preposition
to because
show examples
that is
 not their business so, we just teach
their
Change the pronoun
them
show examples
 to save
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
. If we try to teach our
children
 bout
this
that is
 just terrible for
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
clearly
Replace the word
clarity
show examples
, these types of financial issuers are
Add an article
a force
show examples
force
Wrong verb form
forced
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
’s brains
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
,
that
is not match
Change the verb form
does not match
show examples
 their daily lives.
For instance
, we take a boy who
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is 11 years old. We know that he spends time totally at
school
 so,
this
 problem overloads our
children
that is
 why they are preoccupied with
this
 problem.
children
 just only engage
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 education, relationship, and healthy at these ages.
Finally
,
children
 do not think about
money
 since they
are work
Change the verb form
are working
show examples
 out just reading and writing. In conclusion,
children
 should learn to manage
money
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 experience for their future lives
while
 we must not demand
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 them.
That is
 not their business and
also
this
 is so hard for them.
Submitted by emilqasimov049 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • financial independence
  • responsibility
  • valuable skills
  • impact
  • education
  • exploitation
  • negative effects
  • social life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: