IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #money #education #computers #teachers
A few people think that teaching expenses are better being used to improve technological tools
while
 others consider that funds should be used on tutors. My stand of
point
Add an article
the point
a point
show examples
 is,
although
 both are important,
computers
 are the most important devices to extend our knowledge. First of all, we live in
twenty first
Add a hyphen
twenty-first
show examples
 century, so
computers
 are indispensable ways
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning. Nowadays everyone uses
computers
 at school, home and work.
Thus
, using more advanced
computers
 will add a lot of benefits to our knowledge.
For instance
, using advanced
computers
 at school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 makes teaching more attractive and interesting for children which can motivate their curiosity to know more.
Also
, using developed
computers
 help us to enhance self-education by using
Correct article usage
the trail
show examples
trail
Correct your spelling
trial
show examples
 and error method to figure out how new improvements work. On another hand, having a valuable,
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 educated and intellectual staff in kindergartens, schools and universities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 less important than having sophisticated
computers
. No matter how much we have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
developed or to any extent our societies have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
improved, we are still humans and need encouragement, appreciation, and cooperation in our daily life.
In addition
, Better teachers
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
 better discussions, expand horizons and curious questions which opens a door for more knowledge and better education. It is worth
to mention
Change the verb form
mentioning
show examples
, how we have got interested in a specific subject at school thanks to versed teachers.
To sum up
, Even though both are vital, it is good to remember that developed
computers
 are designed by educated humans. Eventually, using various methods to have better education is a normal consequence of human development. But the most important thing is to keep going on in
learning
Correct article usage
a learning
show examples
 way no matter which tools are being used (advanced
computers
 or high-educated teachers).
Submitted by alasfar.maram on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!