In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. Reasons and solutions.
In
last
decade, common health issues have increased in many countries. It is Correct article usage
the last
Add an article
a complaint
the complaint
complaint
by many parents that their children influence Correct your spelling
compliant
from
obesity Change preposition
by
due to
bad eating habits
, lack of outdoor activities
and promoting
Replace the word
promotion
junk
Change preposition
of junk
food
in Add an article
the advertisement
an advertisement
advertisement
. Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
As per
my point of view, Change preposition
In
this
problem can be solved by taking some important measures.
It is a fact, overweight has increased due to
an array of reasons. firstly
, young ones having
improper eating Wrong verb form
have
habits
, secondly
, addiction of
indoor Change preposition
to
activities
and lastly
mass promotion of fast food
by advertising. To illustrate, kids prefer to have unhealthy food
such
as pizza, burger
and soft drinks which contain fat Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
minerals
and lack Correct word choice
and minerals
of
protein and vitamins, Change preposition
apply
this
has caused due to
attractive advertisement
in surrounding locations. Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
Moreover
, they
can be seen that kids like to do Correct pronoun usage
it
activities
such
as play
video games, Replace the word
playing
watching
TV and Wrong verb form
watch
use
Wrong verb form
using
mobile
at home, Correct pronoun usage
their mobile
in
Change preposition
as
Correct article usage
a result
result
they spend major time in the house. Add a comma
,result
Thus
, many children have some disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
such
as depression, heart
disease which are responsible for Correct word choice
and heart
overweight
.
to solve Add a missing verb
being overweight
this
, school
should change their Add an article
the school
a school
food
system. For instance
, they should allow only healthy food
in lunch
Add an article
a lunch
the lunch
box
, Fix the agreement mistake
boxes
such
as fruit, salad and sprouted beans from which children get enough energy and minerals. furthermore
, parents should encourage their kids for playing outdoor games, for that
government Correct determiner usage
the
have
already provided amenities in public parks. Not only that but Correct subject-verb agreement
has
also
, it
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
surveyed
on Japanese Replace the word
survey
school
by the World Health Organization Fix the agreement mistake
schools
and
revealed that Correct word choice
apply
student
had good healthy Fix the agreement mistake
students
life style
and immune Correct your spelling
lifestyle
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
due to
these schooling enforced
Wrong verb form
enforcing
to
eat only healthy Correct pronoun usage
them to
food
at their places.
To conclude
, Outdoor activities
and good eating habits
play paramount
Add an article
a paramount
the paramount
role
to reduce overweight. Taking support of above argument schools and parents should give proper knowledge of Fix the agreement mistake
roles
food
habits
.Submitted by bhavendra.bhensdadia on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!