Some people believe anyone can make art (paint, music, poetry) while others believe people with specific ability can. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
According to
some, painting, music
and poetry
are unskilled occupations
and anyone can obtain these careers without being skilled. Some argue that these occupations
are acquired by skilled and experienced people
. This
essay will explore both perspectives before offering my opinion.
To begin
with, nowadays people
several fields before choosing the right one, as concerned paint, music
and poetry
are chosen by individuals to try their luck that in case if they perform well they will acquire it. However
, many of them part away as soon as they realize it requires an enormous amount of hard work. For instance
, research from Harvard University in 2021 showed that students who used to work 10 to 12 hours on this
program usually struggle while
performing a task. On the other hand
, people
who were connected with nature and doing their tasks in a peaceful environment were seeing enlargement in their work.
In contrast
, many reports showed that in 2020 highest number of individuals enrolled in music
and poetry
because of COVID-19. Numerous people
were looking for an easy career option in which they selected these as their occupations
. Furthermore
, people
who chose poetry
were struggling to be in an environment through which they could implement ideas and write environmental poetry
. Therefore
, the musicians also
lacked profound ideas for their music
in spite, music
should have a purpose to connect with an audience and heal their emotions, which most youngsters were struggling with not being well skilled.
In conclusion, I believe occupations
like poetry
, music
and painting require skills through which you can affluent in this
program.Submitted by tushalk329
on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt and discusses both views. However, the arguments could be made clearer and more comprehensive. Avoid vague statements like 'according to some' without specifying who or where these opinions come from.
task achievement
Provide stronger examples to support your points. The example about the Harvard research is good but could be explained more clearly and elaborated upon. Similarly, mention specific examples or case studies when talking about people taking up music and poetry during COVID-19.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is divided into clear paragraphs, but the logical flow and structure need improvement. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea and make sure each sentence connects well to the next.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid abrupt jumps between ideas. For example, the contrast between those working in a peaceful environment and those struggling due to COVID-19 could be more smoothly transitioned.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction clearly states what the essay will discuss which adds to clarity.
introduction conclusion
You concluded the essay with a clear opinion which rounds off your discussion well.
supported main points
You included a relevant example from Harvard University, which helps support your argument.
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