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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sport or doing execercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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In today's fast-paced world, with complex and hectic daily work schedules,
people
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 need to be concerned about their health and fitness. There is a debate between Recruiting a private trainer
or
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apply
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doing
exercise
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 classes or playing sports. I reckon that having personal trainers is more effective as
this
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 motivates
people
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 to do
exercise
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 and it is more academic than personal training. On the one hand, today's industrial life increases non-contagious diseases
such
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 as diabetes , metabolic syndrome, obesity and cardiovascular strokes that can be prevented by regular workouts and aerobic exercises. Achieving these goals needs academic, classic and sophisticated training by experts.
For example
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, after coronary artery bypass surgery, for every patient , there is a cardiac rehabilitation program which needs an expert mentor to bring
approximately
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the patient to a perfect health state.
Therefore
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, professional trainers should be available in many situations.
On the other hand
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, monotonous working environments exert heavy stress and tiredness on individuals.
As a result
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, relaxing programs like
exercise
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 are mandatory.
People
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 have usually a low-level psychological mood and always need a motivator to progress in their daily activities.
For instance
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, diabetic patients need regular eating programs and physical
exercise
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 that many of them do not follow. But at the same time, an accompanying mentor can motivate them to follow their programs.
Subsequently
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, motivation from another person is always helpful. In conclusion, I reiterate that having a private trainer has many positive effects as
this
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 can motivate
people
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 and accurate training to lead the goals of training.

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coherence cohesion
More coherence is needed to effectively link the ideas within and between paragraphs.
task response
The introduction needs to more clearly address the key points of the prompt and present a stronger thesis statement.
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