IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Shopping habits depend more on your age group than anything else. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is asserted that the
age
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group
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 is the most important factor in individuals' shopping habits. I totally disagree with
this
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 idea and I think
income
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level
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 and
needs
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needs to
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 shape our shopping customs. The first crucial factor affecting our shopping
behavior
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behaviour
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 is money. The
income
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level
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 determines how much stuff could be bought. Rich people, whether old or not, can purchase a variety of goods and services
due to
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 their disposable
income
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. Compared to the middle-
income
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level
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 or low
level
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 of
income
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, wealthy people have more affordability and it is not highly related to their
age
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group
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.
For example
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,
although
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 the owner of Ralph Lauren is 78, he always follows trends and likes to drive supersport cars, which are not suitable for his
age
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.
Thus
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, his money and richness are prioritized in others' minds and no one talks about his
age
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. The second reason which I guess could be more important than
age
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group
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 is need. Our needs for goods, products, and services, regardless of our
age
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, can shape our shopping purpose.
For instance
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, a 57-year-old computer programmer needs to have a strong and up-to-date computer
due to
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 his need.
This
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 is obvious that the biggest demand for computers is for the young generations, but the necessity can break the habits.
Therefore
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, our needs lead to demand and it can shape our shopping habits. In conclusion, some believe that shopping habit is influenced by the
age
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group
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,
while
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 I completely disagree with
this
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 idea and I think the wage
level
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 and needs could have a more important effect.

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Task Achievement
Your essay clearly presents a well-defined perspective, effectively disagreeing with the assertion made in the topic statement. However, enriching your argument with a broader range of examples and possibly contrasting viewpoints could strengthen your response.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider enhancing the transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This could be achieved through more varied and sophisticated linking words or phrases that smoothly guide the reader from one point to another.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a clear preview of your essay's direction and succinctly summarizing your argument in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
You have supported your main points with relevant examples, such as the reference to Ralph Lauren and the computer programmer, which helps to concretize your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preferences
  • financial capacities
  • technological savviness
  • online platforms
  • traditional in-store shopping
  • marketing and advertising
  • susceptible to trends
  • generational values
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable and ethical shopping
  • value for money
  • product longevity
  • cultural background
  • income levels
  • personal interests
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