IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some think that people can be encouraged to live healthy lives through sporting events such as the Olympics or the World Cup. Others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to exercise. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#adults #exercise #think #people #lives #events #olympics #world #cup
There is a dramatic decrease in
sports
 and exercise among adults nowadays. Some
people
 believe that we can motivate them to have a healthy lifestyle by organising sporting
events
 like the World Cup,
while
 others believe that there are more useful options to encourage adults to do
sports
 and exercise. In my opinion, I am inclined to the second point of view because big sporting
events
 acquire a lot of money and effort but we can encourage
people
 to follow a healthy lifestyle in more effective and simple ways.
This
 essay will investigate the two different opinions with their reasons. On
this
 hand, watching athletes and famous
players
 can spread awareness among
people
 about
sports
 and how they can improve their lives.
In other words
, there are many well-known
players
 especially football
players
 who have a huge impact on their fans and making
sports
events
 where
people
 can go to and see these
players
 will make them more interested in exercising.
Furthermore
, many organised
events
 that are related to
sports
 and health have been really supported by the majority as they give numerous advice and information about health that made a significant change in many
people
’s lives.
On the other hand
, it can be argued that small and simple movements can result in better effects.
For example
, recently
people
 from all over the world are spending most of their time on their phones specifically on social media so posting attractive videos and posts about health will motivate adults into having a healthy life.
Moreover
, schools have a major role to encourage young
people
 to exercise by having
sports
 lessons that include physical training.
Also
, rewarding winners and
sports
 champions will make
people
 determined and motivated to win and work out. In the conclusion, I would like to reiterate my opinion that we need to encourage
people
 starting with the young ones by simple steps that have big results.
Submitted by Retaaji72 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: