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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people strive to maintain successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this cause? What are the possible solutions?

#people #career #life #time
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There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with
people
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 doing careers and having a happy family at the same
time
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.
Such
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 an approach can cause many mental and health
problems
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.
However
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, there are effective solutions to the
problems
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 of having a
life
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balance
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 to help in avoiding the
problems
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.
Firstly
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, the reason is
people
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 feel confident and optimistic about their abilities.
This
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 makes
people
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 strive to overwork all day and spend their
time
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 with families at the same
time
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,
while
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 their bodies and minds deserve rest
time
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. Having many activities can lead to burnout which can affect health
problems
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,
such
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 as physical and mental
problems
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.
As a result
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, many employees have
problems
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 issues,
such
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 as insomnia, obesity, hypertension, depression and other symptoms.
Nevertheless
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, there are solutions to employees having proper
life
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balance
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.
Firstly
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, they can manage their
time
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 between
work
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 and hanging out with their families. Many
people
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 can manage their
time
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 on weekdays to focus on their jobs,
whereas
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 on weekends they can spend their
time
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 with family
time
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.
Furthermore
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, They have a proper
life
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balance
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 which means they have good
work
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 at a company get healing
time
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 with family and enjoy holidays on weekends.
As a result
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, they can approach a good future in
work
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life
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 and a happy family at the same
time
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. In conclusion, many
people
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 who strive to
work
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 and have happy families at the same
time
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 can encounter some
problems
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 in the future either physical or mental
problems
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. Those issues can be solved with prioritization management
time
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 and
life
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balance
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.
Submitted by dliyaa on

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task achievement
Expand on your main points with detailed examples to add depth to your arguments. This will help demonstrate the practical applications of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Connecting each paragraph effectively can improve your overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main issue and summarizing potential solutions.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both aspects of the question by discussing potential problems and solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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