IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however ,say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
Some
people
 argue whether increasing the number of
sports
facilities
 is effective in order to improve public
health
.
While
 laying out public
sports
facilities
 are important for
people
 to increase their average healthy level，I do believe the effects on public
health
 are
limitted
Correct your spelling
limited
 to some
people
 and other essential methods should be taken. On the one hand，as we all know, ordering a
sports
 court to play some ball games or going to a gym to
work
 out is so expensive that many ordinary
people
 will quit exercising their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. If the government increases the public
sports
facilities
, it will benefit lots of
people
 who like
sports
 but have no money for spending on
sports
facilities
. It will be accessible and possible for them to go out to play
sports
 games or
work
 out.
On the other hand
, I am keen to believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
sports
facilities
 have limited influence on most
people
.
Firstly
, for the majority of working men who often have to
work
 extra time ,working is so hard that they have limited time to do exercise after finishing
work
. So even though the
facilities
 are accessible to them, the problems can not be solved.
Secondly
, for some
people
 who are not familiar with the methods of using the
facilities
 correctly ,it will bring a potential risk of injury without professional
guides
Replace the word
guidance
show examples
.
such
 as heavy gym equipment.In my opinion, the most serious issues of public
health
 are mental disease from
work
-life imbalance, bad eating habits under pressure and the conception that they should value their physical and mental
health
.
Therefore
, just adding more equipment is not enough to level up the healthy situation publicly so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Other measures are required,
such
 as transferring some funds to healthy food projects, publicizing schemes to make
work
 and life balance to diminish the pressure level，
as well as
 new policies which help ordinary
people
 gain more even resources associated with medical and hospital
systerm
Correct your spelling
system
. To be concluded,
while
 the benefit of increasing
sports
facilities
 is obvious for the public, I do believe that the effects are little and more strategies from different angles should be considered by the government.
Submitted by wang-my on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: