IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,it is widely recognized that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of residents are
intriguing
Wrong verb form
intrigued
show examples
about
Change preposition
by
show examples
games
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,certain human beings think that
sports
Use synonyms
 amenities are the best choice to develop their fitness and
health
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,other counterpart civilians think that it would create a detrimental effect on
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both views and in the forthcoming
essaysprovide
Correct your spelling
essays provide
 my opinion. To commence with,there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
show examples
 of positive things
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 playing
games
Use synonyms
,it would boost their mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the recent research of Oxford University on public
health
Use synonyms
 issues.They identified that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of civilians are
fascinating
Wrong verb form
fascinated
show examples
 towards badminton and volleyball
games
Use synonyms
.To cite an example,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 Brazil
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 established
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
mandatory rules regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their
health
Use synonyms
 and in that country locals
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
must and should play in any one game.
That is
Linking Words
 not only
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for
health
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
deteriorates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anxiety and mental pressure at work.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 would create a plethora of pros for society and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy environment for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. In spite
of
Correct pronoun usage
of this
show examples
 ,there
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 drawbacks with some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
sports
Use synonyms
,which is about Football and Rugby,these two
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
plays
Verb problem
have
show examples
a serious causes
Correct the article-noun agreement
serious causes
a serious cause
show examples
 on aged people.Sometimes, it would lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heart strokes and physical injuries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,without physical fitness
Add a comma
,
show examples
it is very difficult to play
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
games
Use synonyms
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even
,
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
are becoming
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
popularity
Correct article usage
a popularity
show examples
 of gym and yoga
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with
sports
Use synonyms
,
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
 few people are interested
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
gym
instead
Linking Words
 of
games
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 have been growing
popularity
Change preposition
in popularity
show examples
 across the globe.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it
assits
Correct your spelling
assists
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
Use synonyms
 and fitness.Mainly ,badminton plays a significant role in individual
heatlh
Correct your spelling
health
 and it enhances
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
immunity power and strength.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: