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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with poeple via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or nagative development?

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In
this
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 day and age, with the development of technology, people can easily purchase, fulfil their duties or keep in touch with their acquaintances via the Internet without direct communication with each other.
Although
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 using web-based functional apps is quite convenient and economical, I strongly advocate that a life without interactive communication has detrimental impacts in the long run. There is no denying that the Internet has numerous benefits in some aspects.
Firstly
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, social media platforms play an outsized role in connecting people worldwide.
For example
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, during the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 lockdown, families can contact other communities overseas via Facebook, Skype and so on to chat or video call.
Secondly
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, citizens are able to shop online which is not only time-saving but
also
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 money-saving. With ever-increasing gas prices, shopping online saves you the cost of driving to stores,
as well as
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 parking fees. At the same time, you will save time by avoiding standing in line, particularly around the holidays, when stores are busy and packed with customers.
Nevertheless
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, the advantages quite pale in comparison with their downsides.
To begin
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 with, human beings are more likely to lose direct interactions with surrounding people.
For instance
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, offspring spend little time talking to their parents because they are busy chatting with virtual friends or playing games online. Gradually, people’s social skills
such
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 as teamwork or
solving-problem
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solving problem
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 strategies tend to be blunt. Another adverse effect of the spread of cyberspace is that numerous folks become sedentary, resulting in a myriad of diseases, namely obesity, and cardiovascular ailments. To illustrate, a study by the University of Sydney reveals that when children watch TV or sit at the computer for hours per day, the heir will have narrowed blood vessels, a warning about blood pressure in the scion.
To conclude
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, the fact that everything seems to be associated with the Internet has several strong points.
However
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, it goes
along with
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 negative development since it may lead to mental and physical health problems.

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task response
You provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task. Your ideas are relevant and well-supported with specific examples. However, ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main topic and the conclusion effectively summarises the key points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates logical structure and coherence in presenting ideas. Work on strengthening the introduction to clearly present the main topic and the conclusion to effectively summarise the key points. Additionally, ensure that all paragraphs are well-connected and logically organized to enhance coherence and cohesion.
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