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Writing Samples
Band 7

Parents should not pressure their children to choose a particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose a career path they like. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals believe that
parents
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 should not force their
children
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 to opt for a specific profession. The youths should freely choose their own career path based on things they like. I firmly agree with
this
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 stance and think that young people have a full right to decide their own future, and
parents
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 should be here to help.
To begin
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 with, almost all
children
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 have their own interests from an early age.
For example
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, there are subjects at school that students find enjoyable to learn,
therefore
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, they want to master them in the next higher education in order to get a job related to that field. In fact, a graphic designer usually comes from people who like arts and have hobbies like drawing and painting.
This
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 instance means that
children
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 grow an interest starting when they get into something, especially in what they study in the classrooms.
Furthermore
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,
instead
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 of pressuring their
children
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 to choose a particular job,
parents
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 should support their career path
instead
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. Evidently,
parents
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 often bring their son or daughter to a course in order to realise their
parents
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' dream.
For instance
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, enrolling on an English class outside of school is often done so that in the future,
parents
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 can see their
children
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 becoming English teachers.
Instead
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 of doing that,
children
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 should have the freedom to be who they want to be, and
parents
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 should give means to help them realise their dreams.
To sum up
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,
children
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 should rightfully determine their professions without
parents
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' interference.
This
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 is because young people already possess their own keenness.
Therefore
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, I suggest that
parents
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 are urged to aid their
children
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's working journey.

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task achievement
Clarify and expand on specific examples provided to support your argument. While the essay contains relevant examples, adding more detailed instances or real-life scenarios could strengthen your points and make the argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of ideas. Use a wider range of connective words and phrases to demonstrate clear relationships between ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Further support your main points with additional evidence or deeper analysis. Each paragraph should explore its main idea thoroughly and provide more comprehensive development of your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental guidance
  • career autonomy
  • job satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • self-discovery
  • mentorship
  • job market evolution
  • societal expectations
  • family reputation
  • individual growth
  • innovation
  • projecting ambitions
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