IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #kinds #effect #people’s #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Given the pivotal role of the advert, the question of how advertising affects society has garnered widespread interest. One common perspective that some
people
, myself included, advocate is that
this
 invention has an adverse impact on human life. Opponents of the
fact
 that advertisement brings various benefits cite the
fact
 that those
ads
 are powerful instruments for getting to know useful products and services and disseminating information, which helps
people
 to make informed shopping decisions.
Nonetheless
,
this
 thinking fails to factor in the
fact
 that marketers are incredibly excellent at making
people
 believe that their products and services can improve
people
’s lives in some ways, which can lead consumers to make impulsive and unnecessary purchases.
For instance
, if the adverts for a new smartphone with interesting features are shown on the TV, it can spontaneously implant a seed in human's minds that they need to upgrade their old one despite the
fact
 that
this
 thinking has never been on their shopping plans. What is more, the bombardment of various means of advertisement
such
 as billboards, or online
ads
 without rigid screening before they are live on TV or displayed can be misleading and untruthful. That being the case, consumers are forced to expose inappropriate and harmful
ads
 like those promoting unhealthy and dangerous items, which leads to false and decisive claims from
people
.
Furthermore
, useless advertising appearing widely on every platform can disturb and distract
people
 from their initial purposes.
For instance
, many youngsters who cannot afford to pay the subscription to have a premium account on YouTube or Spotify,
as a result
, have to spend their time looking at meaningless repetitive
ads
 before they are allowed to watch any videos or listen to their favourite songs. In conclusion, with the aforementioned reasons, I strongly support the belief that the advertisement brings undesirable effects on society, which far outweigh the advantages it has.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical flow of ideas, beginning with an introduction that establishes the context and your position, followed by coherent body paragraphs, each introducing a distinct point, and concluding with a summary that encapsulates your argument.
Coherence Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise. They should frame your argument effectively, establishing and reinforcing your thesis without introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
Coherence Cohesion
Support your main points with detailed explanations, evidence, or examples. Make sure these are directly relevant to the question and add substance to your argument.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task prompt, ensuring that your response effectively answers the question being asked. Your essay should be complete and leave no aspect of the prompt unexplored.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas thoroughly for a comprehensive response. Aim for clarity and depth in your writing, ensuring that your position on the issue is well understood and compellingly presented.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic. These examples should be drawn from credible sources or realistic situations, enhancing the persuasive power of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: