Some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society, while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some argue that people are increasingly reliant on each other,
while
others contend that there is a growing trend towards individual autonomy. Despite authentic logic
on
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in
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both perspectives, I believe that
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
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in interpersonal relationships in modern society is incontrovertible. Notwithstanding collaboration and mutual support are integral to societal cohesion, individual autonomy and self-reliance are equally vital for personal empowerment and growth. On the one hand, advocates of the interdependence argument posit that in our interconnected world,
individuals
are becoming more reliant on each other for various aspects of
in
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their personal and professional lives. To illustrate, the rise of globalization, and complex societal challenges necessitate collaboration and cooperation among
individuals
.
For example
, teamwork and collaboration are often critical for achieving organizational goals.
Moreover
, in personal relationships,
individuals
rely on each other to meet their needs.
In other words
, emotional support, companionship, mutual growth,
receiving
Correct word choice
and receiving
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required services are satisfied through fostering communication with others. On the one hand, proponents of the independence perspective argue that modern society is witnessing a shift towards individual autonomy and self-reliance. To elaborate, technological advancements have empowered
individuals
to access information, resources, and opportunities independently, reducing the need for constant reliance on others.
For instance
, the rise of digital platforms and remote work arrangements has enabled people to work autonomously and pursue personal
endeavors
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endeavours
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with greater freedom.
Furthermore
, changing social norms and values emphasize self-expression, self-sufficiency, and individual agency, fostering a culture of independence among
individuals
. In conclusion,
although
there are valid arguments on both sides of arguments,
however
, it is my firm conviction that striking a harmonious balance between interdependence and independence is vital, which allows
individuals
to thrive in a dynamic and interconnected world.
Submitted by pooya.sheytoon2 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider making clear transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Some repetition (e.g., 'On the one hand' used twice) can be avoided to increase the essay's fluidity.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, name specific technologies or social norms that support your points on independence.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt by discussing both perspectives and offering a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is strong, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint and a well-rounded conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnectedness
  • globalization
  • digital communication platforms
  • mutual dependency
  • economic globalization
  • international supply chains
  • social validation
  • advancements in technology
  • individualism
  • technological tools
  • smartphones
  • personal computers
  • cultural shift
  • self-sufficiency
  • individualistic attitudes
  • personal achievement
  • self-care
  • interdependency
  • societal structures
  • emotional support
  • underlying foundations
  • human interaction
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