IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#experts #country #wealth #citizens
The thought of some experts
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that
people
 from rich
countries
 are not satisfied by
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 hypothetical increase in their economy. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss
this
 point of view and I will explain why I am not sure I agree with that. It is generally believed by some professional figures, that additionals rise in economic wealth is not so crucial for a rich country.
People
 from
countries
such
 as Japan, the U.S.A, Switzerland or Cina are aware of their wide economic power and these governments offer a lot of benefits for their citizens.
Thus
,
people
 have yet what they want,
such
 as funding for projects, well-organized cities,and a lot of job opportunities. In fact, they do not feel a significant sense of satisfaction with the increase in their economy. Made
this
 point, it is
also
 true that some surveys used by The Italian University of Parma, reveal that citizens from
countries
 which a strong economy, are really grateful and satisfied by any additional rise, in the economic sector. As consequence
due to
this
 increase, they can ask for more funding for some start
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
or to improve the technology equipment in schools. Personally, I tend to think as a matter of fact that
this
 is the right view. Because it is logical that more money means more opportunities in any sector of the country. Hospitals, schools, museums and even historical buildings can have the possibility to obtain a lot of benefits.
To conclude
, in
this
 essay I discussed the general view of some experts about
people
 from rich
countries
. I
also
 explained why I strongly disagree with them.
Submitted by robertasottile.rbst on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: