IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motor-bike. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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Along with
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 the boom of the globalized world, more and more accidents occur when teenagers are allowed to
drive
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 when they are over eighteen. There has been a major concern that in order to
drive
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 on safe roads, the pragmatic solution is to upgrade the age to be able to travel by different forms of transportation which I partially agree with.
This
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 essay will explain my opinion by giving examples and demonstrating standpoints. On the one hand, carefulness and atmosphere protection are the two most apparent advantages of
this
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 novel approach. Adults are undeniably using their vehicles in secure ways because they are experienced in driving for a long time. It has been proven that some youngsters are still blissfully unaware of the detrimental effects caused by alcohol;
As a result
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, changing the minimum age could
have
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help
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 society avoid potential crash risks.
For instance
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, after drinking beer, careless drivers have a tendency to
drive
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 home without any supervision;
thus
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, they will breed negligent accidents. Another factor is that the fewer cars
have been
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apply
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utilized, the fresher the atmosphere which humans benefit most.
Moreover
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, if the youth are prohibited
to steer
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from steering
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 to workplaces or institutions, toxic emissions released into the air and traffic jams will be decreased.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 method may cause some drawbacks which affect citizens, especially adolescents. Teenagers are now allowed to
drive
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 vehicles when they are over eighteen, studying higher education or already have jobs, the novel laws will affect them in terms of independence. They are more likely to depend on their families and relatives in lieu of social transport because of social evils.
This
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 can be exemplified in the case of more and more illegal drivers, who did not receive driving licenses, causing accidents because of the unawareness of the instructions associated with driving. In conclusion,
although
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 the drawbacks of
this
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 new rule need to be
concerned
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considered
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, I am of the opinion that the profits will be outweighed
due to
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 the environmental protection and vivid awareness of mature individuals.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents your viewpoint, but it could be clearer. Consider rephrasing to explicitly state your stance more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main point, and avoid mixing ideas together. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This will improve the flow and coherence of your argument.
task achievement
Provide more relevant examples, particularly when discussing the drawbacks. This would strengthen your arguments and provide deeper insight into your points.
task achievement
You successfully articulated a balanced view, acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages of increasing the minimum driving age, which shows critical thinking.
task achievement
Your essay included relevant examples to support the points made, indicating that you understand how to effectively illustrate your arguments.
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