IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

#gyms #lifestyle #popularity #world
The issue of hectic life has turned into a significant topic in
this
 century. In
this
 way, there is a growing tendency among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 to be inactive.
Accordingly
Add a comma
,Accordingly
show examples
 most of the gyms are empty . The following essay will explore 2
problems
 and 2 solutions regarding
this
 subject.
Although
 the number of sports facilities is increasing
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, fewer and fewer
people
 tend to join the gyms. Probably, one of the main
problems
this
 issue might cause is the fact that the number of
people
 dealing with health
problems
 is increasing drastically; issues
such
 as heart attacks, strokes, hypertension and so on and so forth.
Furthermore
, obesity is definitely a significant and problematic result of the sitting lifestyle of the modern human, which in turn leads to depression and unhappiness in life.
This
 is a known fact, supported by the statistics printed by the health authorities, that the number one outcome of chubbiness is depression and
also
 anxiety. Regarding possible solutions, probably the most important solution is related to the media. From
this
 perspective, no one can ever deny the significance of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 in society. To put it simply, the media has an important role to push
people
 to do more exercise. Another solution could be in the insurance industry and these could give more
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 to those who exercise more.
In addition
, nutritionists can plan diets for the different lifestyles of
people
 to help
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
control their weight in society, and prevent its adverse effects.
To sum up
,
while
 the main
problems
 regarding hectic life and inactivity could be mental and physical, the possible solutions could be more advertisement and promotion of insurance to motivate
people
 to exercise more.
Submitted by kambiz.pirzad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical inactivity
  • health problems
  • weight gain
  • obesity
  • energy levels
  • chronic illnesses
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • focus
  • social isolation
  • exercise
  • physical fitness
  • active lifestyle
  • health benefits
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • leisure activities
  • regular physical activity
  • physical exercise
  • cardiovascular health
  • strength training
  • flexibility
  • endurance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: