IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Young people who commit serious crimes, such as robbery or violent attacks should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #robbery #attacks #adults
It is sometimes believed that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished equally as adults.
This
 essay strongly disagrees with
this
 suggestion as now will be discussed. The first argument behind my belief is that young criminals are mostly found to have poor school attendance, which is solely the fault of their parents. The failure to attend school as a daily routine instils in children that they do not have to comply with social norms and that they can do as they please.
For example
, if they had proficient care from their parents or other family members, they could establish good habits and have strong discerning power to stay away from doing bad things.
Hence
, it would be unfair to sentence young crimes as same as adults
due to
 the difference in the level of social awareness. Another point worth mentioning is that young incarceration may have complex threats to the emotional and physical well-being of children. Incarcerated juveniles who are in their main physical development stage often have unmet health needs when being in jail and may face subsequent worse health status than their non-justice-involved counterparts.
Also
, ex-offenders are more likely to face suspicion and prejudice after release which may erode depressive symptoms.
For instance
, it would be extremely challenging for released prisoners to apply for a decent job or to rent a house. The consequent economic hardship can perpetuate the vicious cycle of recidivism. In
this
 manner, harsh retribution is not suitable for juvenile crimes for its disastrous consequences. In conclusion, I entirely disagree that young people should be punished as same as an adult given the aforementioned arguments.
Submitted by hoanmy2101 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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