IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 day and age, the
computer
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 is one of the most eminent technology devices. More and more individuals consider that the
computer
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 is impacting children. It is debated that,the
computer
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 has more demerits than merits for youth. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with the viewpoint that the adverse effects of the
computer
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 on young nation outweigh the positive ones. On the one hand, there are some benefits of these appliances for youngsters.
Firstly
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, one advantage of these gadgets is that, they have opportunities to learn a wider range of skills and abilities
such
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 as IT or some subjects which they do not know or want to know.
In addition
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, there are many channels which teach logical and problem-solving things.
On the other hand
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, the laptop has various drawbacks to children's education. First and foremost, the
computer
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 has plenty of electronic games that are highly addictive. The young generation wastes a huge amount of time sitting in front of their
computer
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 screen and playing several online games like PUBG and Clash of Clans and others. There are numerous harmful side effects. It affects our eyes and our health.
Furthermore
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, many people believe that a part of the information on the
computer
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 is not censored.
Therefore
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, there are some disagreeable elements,
such
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 as violence or curse words.
According to
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 the research of Yale University, more than 50% of social media includes violent things and does not have the limit of age.
To sum up
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, the laptop has a lot of disadvantages compared to advantages.
In other words
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, I completely see eye to eye with
this
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 statement. Because it has an extreme loss for the development of kids.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear, consistent structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make your introduction succinct but informative, clearly stating your viewpoint. Your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments and restate your position.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your task response, try to develop your arguments more fully. While you have outlined several points, deeper analysis and more detailed examples could enhance the clarity and strength of your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be careful with repetition and aim for a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary. This not only makes your essay more interesting to read but also demonstrates your language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Try to include more real-life examples or statistics to support your arguments. Specific, relevant examples make your points more convincing and demonstrate a wider understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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