IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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schoolfriends
Correct your spelling
School friends
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 play a vital impact in a child's
performance
Use synonyms
 in
school
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 as compared to
parents
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. Many folks believe that peer pressure plays
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 role in a child's academic achievements. In the impending ,essay I will discuss both views and give my opinion . The major factor in a child's academic
performance
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 is a comparison by
parents
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. Children often feel that
parents
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 often compare them with intelligent classmates. their
performance
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 always plays an influencing factor
while
Linking Words
 evaluating their own kid's
performance
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 in academics. In India, to cite an example majority of
parents
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 often feel that their
kids
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 are lagging behind in academics and
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not understand the causes of their poor academic
performance
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of
Change preposition
apply
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them
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
kids
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 sometimes develop negative feelings about friends who are performing better than them . The reason is a comparison by
parents
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 .
However
Linking Words
,
kids
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' academic decisions are often taken by
parents
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 who are guided by their own experiences. In Norway, to cite an example , the majority of
kids
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' life decisions are taken by their
parents
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 when it comes to choosing a career for them. Norway's
school
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 education is popular across the globe for its innovative pedagogy.
Kids
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 in
school
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 perform better . They are not often judged on the basis of marks scored by them in an exam
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,I strongly disagree with the statement that
school
Use synonyms
 friends have a vital impact on children's success in their life. Most of the decisions related to academic achievement are taken by
parents
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 which are thoughtful and far-sighted.
Therefore
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
 friends don't play any kind
Change preposition
of
show examples
role in academic success.

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the influence of parents and friends on a child's academic success. However, the arguments lack coherence and focus, leading to a lack of clarity in the essay's main point.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion do not effectively present the main points. The supporting examples are not well-connected to the thesis, resulting in a lack of cohesion in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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