IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many employees are able to work at home due to modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Is it a positive or negative development?

#employees #work #home #technology #people #benefit #workers #employers #development
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In the technology age, some workers can
work
Use synonyms
 remotely by using new technology.
However
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, a group of people believe that
this
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 method of working has just advantages for employees ,not managers. In my opinion, working in the house is a positive trend that has a majority of benefits for companies and the environment. On the one hand, when workers
work
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 in offices,
then
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 firms need to spend a lot of
money
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 on buying or borrowing these places.
In addition
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, companies have to invest a lot of
money
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 for the utilities, facilities and so on.
As a result
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, telecommuting has a positive economic impact and has more profit for businesses.
For example
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, most international companies have a number of employees from various nationalities without spending too much
money
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 on them.
On the other hand
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, the fact
that is
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 really important is that remote
work
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 is a really eco-friendly way
due to
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 the fact that the number of buildings and transportation decline.
In other words
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, the sectors of cities have to increase for the contracture of workplaces;
consequently
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, jungles are destroyed.
Furthermore
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, when the population commutes to their
work
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 by public or private transportation, which emits a number of greenhouse gases,they trigger a matter for the environment which is air pollution;
nevertheless
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,
this
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 method reduces the carbon footprint.
To conclude
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, working remotely aids managers in having costless workers because they do not have to pay a great deal of
money
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 for places and office amenities.
Moreover
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, it has a positive impact on the environment by preventing deforestation and reduction of toxic gases.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining some of the transitions for even smoother coherence, such as ensuring logical flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to reinforce your arguments. For instance, mention specific companies or technological tools that facilitate remote work.
language accuracy
Be cautious with phrasing to avoid minor grammatical issues, such as "working in the house," which should be "working from home."
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a recognisable introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively identified and discussed both economic and environmental benefits of remote work.
task achievement
Your essay presents multiple perspectives, demonstrating a well-rounded response to the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • telecommuting
  • flexible working hours
  • overhead costs
  • corporate social responsibility
  • employee retention
  • carbon footprint
  • global talent pool
  • peak productivity times
  • job satisfaction
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