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Band 4

Many people play sports when they are young but then stop doing physical activity/exercise when they become adults. Why do some people stop doing physical exercise. What can be done about this problem?

#people #sports #activity #exercise #adults
It is
Correct article usage
a debateable
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debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 topic that
in
Change preposition
apply
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these days
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of adults do not like to take part in any sport or physical
activity
like
Replace the word
as
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 they did as a young child. There are some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 and solutions to overcome
this
. Which I will discuss in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with the causes of individuals
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 less interest in exercise.
The first
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First
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foremost is that
in
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apply
show examples
these days,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of sitting jobs is higher than the motile ones and people give their whole attention to their work or education. Everyone wants to fulfil their needs and dreams and for that money is
also
 essential.
Thus
, they have
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
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schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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due to
this
 they do not do physical exercise. In spite of
this
, technology
also
play
Change the verb form
plays
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major
Add an article
a major
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 role in
this
. Everyone has
lot
Add an article
a lot
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to
Change preposition
of
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 mechanical equipment at their home or at
office
Add an article
the office
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.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they were busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 work, machines already complete their chores. So, their curiosity towards any physical
activity
lower
Add a missing verb
is lower
show examples
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
However
, there are some resolutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it.
Firstly
, schools and companies should make
this
 mandatory to play sports or any physical
activity
 on daily basis. They should encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical exercise
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
by their students and employees.
As once
Change preposition
Once
show examples
 they become habitual of it and will continue in future as well.
Moreover
, local authorities should
also
 spread awareness by scheduling seminars for adults. In which they would share the benefits of physical
activity
 and open
free of cost
Add a hyphen
free-of-cost
show examples
 gyms for them. It is evident that
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people would incline after that.
To conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, individuals ignore physical
activity
due to
 their work or
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
 that acquire by them.
Whereas
, their interest increased
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
taking some steps by authorities of companies and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by amrindersinghynr89 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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