IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

governmnet should spend money to public services rather than arts and painting. do you agree or not?

#governmnet #money #services #arts
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A considerable amount of
people
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 have the opinion that the
government
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 should allocate money to public
services
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 rather than to paintings, arts and music, which is a waste of money. I agree with
this
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 statement because there are many
areas
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, especially villages where these
services
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 are not available
such
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 as roads,
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transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
show examples
 systems,
besides
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, institutes for education and hospitals. The
services
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 that are not provided by the
government
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 are hospitals, schools and colleges in some
areas
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 where
people
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 still suffer and have to visit rural
areas
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 to take benefit of these
services
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.
For example
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, I needed to attend college after finishing high school and I had to go to another city because , in our area, there was not any single college for
further
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 study.
Moreover
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, some villagers visit urban
areas
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 to
take
Verb problem
access
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 health facilities
due to
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 the lack of clinics in their village.
In addition
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, if
people
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 are suffering from a serious condition, it could be difficult for
people
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 to go to the hospital right away.
Thus
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, authorities should spend money in underdeveloped
areas
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 which is beneficial for the
people
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 and their children's future.
Furthermore
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, some countries have problems related to
transportation
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 and roads which are still under planning because as we know the
government
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 never fulfils their promises.
For instance
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, in Punjab, there is the highway from Khanna to Gobindgharh which has still under construction for many years
due to
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 the changing of political leaders.
Also
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, there are issues with some
transportation
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 systems in some
areas
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 where
people
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 still walk and use their own vehicles for commuting.
Therefore
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, authorities should provide some
transportation
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 system to that area as well.
To conclude
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,
people
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 are suffering from many difficulties because they do not have access to these
services
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 and the
government
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 should help to provide these to the public by building roads and education institutes not on arts, painting and music.
Submitted by AP on

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Language
Try to vary your sentence structures more to enhance legibility and interest. Including a mixture of complex and compound sentences can make your essay more engaging.
Content
Consider introducing counterarguments to provide a more balanced view. This can increase the depth of your discussion and show critical thinking skills.
Grammar
Be careful with minor grammatical errors and typos, as they can slightly distract from your message. Proofreading can help to catch these.
Structure
You introduced and concluded your essay effectively, making your position clear.
Content
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence
Your essay is well-organized, making it easy to follow your argument throughout.
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