Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Recently, there
are
two claims of earning Wrong verb form
have been
money
and free time
. Some people
believe that having more money
and less free time
is better, while
others think that having more free time
and earning less money
is more important than previously. In my opinion, I believe that earning more money
and undoubtedly less time
free is more necessary for modern people
.
One of the arguments is that having more money
and less free time
is better. People
who have more money
can become more financially independent. Many individuals work so hard so that they can introduce more structure into their lives and do not need to rely on others. For instance
, people
with more financial independence can support themselves and their families which can reduce their life
stress and increase their quality of life
. This
increased independence can facilitate access to better education, health insurance, and more personal development. As a result
, striving to earn more money
can have priority over having more free time
.
Another argument is that earning less money
and having more free time
can be more beneficial for people
. Firstly
, individuals can seek more personal interests and happiness or fulfilment in their free time
. People
can learn more skills and improve their ability in many fields or pick up a new hobby in their spare time
. Secondly
, there is more time
provided for people
who can have better
balance between Add an article
a better
life
and work when they have more free time
. For example
, this
freedom allows people
to spend time
with families and their loved ones and take care of their own physical and mental health. Therefore
, having more free time
is more valuable for life
.
In conclusion, while
having spare time
with important people
is crucial for one’s happiness and fulfilment, I believe that earning more money
is more important, which can provide financial security and strong support for others.Submitted by hsmkashi on
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examples
To improve your score, consider incorporating more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've mentioned the benefits of both having more money and more free time, tangible examples or statistical data could strengthen your position.
structure
Try to develop a more nuanced introduction and conclusion. Clearly stating your thesis and summarizing your main points can improve the overall coherence of your essay.
transition
Enhance the transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow. Using transitional phrases can help to link your ideas more effectively and improve the readability of your text.
task response
You've done a good job discussing both views and providing a clear opinion in conclusion, which meets the task requirements effectively.
structure
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear distinction between paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint.
sentence variety
You've included a variety of sentence structures that contribute to the overall fluency and coherence of your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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