Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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two claims of earning
money
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and free
time
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. Some
people
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believe that having more
money
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and less free
time
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is better,
while
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others think that having more free
time
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and earning less
money
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is more important than previously. In my opinion, I believe that earning more
money
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and undoubtedly less
time
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free is more necessary for modern
people
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. One of the arguments is that having more
money
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and less free
time
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is better.
People
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who have more
money
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can become more financially independent. Many individuals work so hard so that they can introduce more structure into their lives and do not need to rely on others.
For instance
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,
people
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with more financial independence can support themselves and their families which can reduce their
life
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stress and increase their quality of
life
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.
This
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increased independence can facilitate access to better education, health insurance, and more personal development.
As a result
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, striving to earn more
money
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can have priority over having more free
time
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. Another argument is that earning less
money
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and having more free
time
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can be more beneficial for
people
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.
Firstly
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, individuals can seek more personal interests and happiness or fulfilment in their free
time
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.
People
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can learn more skills and improve their ability in many fields or pick up a new hobby in their spare
time
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.
Secondly
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, there is more
time
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provided for
people
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who can have
better
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a better
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balance between
life
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and work when they have more free
time
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.
For example
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,
this
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freedom allows
people
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to spend
time
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with families and their loved ones and take care of their own physical and mental health.
Therefore
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, having more free
time
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is more valuable for
life
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. In conclusion,
while
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having spare
time
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with important
people
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is crucial for one’s happiness and fulfilment, I believe that earning more
money
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is more important, which can provide financial security and strong support for others.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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examples
To improve your score, consider incorporating more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've mentioned the benefits of both having more money and more free time, tangible examples or statistical data could strengthen your position.
structure
Try to develop a more nuanced introduction and conclusion. Clearly stating your thesis and summarizing your main points can improve the overall coherence of your essay.
transition
Enhance the transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow. Using transitional phrases can help to link your ideas more effectively and improve the readability of your text.
task response
You've done a good job discussing both views and providing a clear opinion in conclusion, which meets the task requirements effectively.
structure
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear distinction between paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint.
sentence variety
You've included a variety of sentence structures that contribute to the overall fluency and coherence of your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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