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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Speaking more than one language is important these days. Hence, children should start learning a second language during school time. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 world,
language
Use synonyms
 is the simplest way to communicate with each other. There is a discussion about
that
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how
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 it
become
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has become
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 crucial to learn different
kind
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kinds
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 of languages
and
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, and
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 it should
be
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apply
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start from school. I totally agree with
this
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 notion and I will discuss
about
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apply
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this
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 in
forthcoming
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the forthcoming
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 paragraphs. To commence with
benefits
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the benefits
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 of
multilingual
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a multilingual
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 person. The first and foremost is that,
in
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apply
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these days number of individuals like to study
from
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in
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 foreign nations. So if they already have knowledge about the
linguistic
Replace the word
language
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 of
other
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another
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 nation. It would be easy for them to survive there. They can take admissions and easily find jobs for their livelihood.
Moreover
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, people like to travel a lot. They visit other countries as well.
Thus
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, if
tourist
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guide
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guides
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would
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were
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 aware
about
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of
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 distinct languages,
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firstly
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firstly,
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 they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 help
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tourist
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tourists
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 and
also
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can
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apply
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earn more for themselves. To exemplify
this
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, India is a diverse country.
majority
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The majority
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 of
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tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 from all around the world visit here to see
historical
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the historical
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place
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places
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 numerous
tourist
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guide
Fix the agreement mistake
guides
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 would use
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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language
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 of tourists to make
them
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the
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comfortable
Check wording
tourists comfortable
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.
In
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As
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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,
this
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 way they grew their business as well.
Furthermore
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,
bunch
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a bunch
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 of individuals believe that
new
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the new
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 generation would forget their own tradition and culture with
language
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. They will
also
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 refuse to impart their nation's rituals and values to their children
and
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, and
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finally
Add a comma
finally,
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 they
lost
Wrong verb form
will lose
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 their culture.
However
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, if
this
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 old generation understands the importance of learning another
language
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, they will
also
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realize
Use the right word
realise
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 the tradition will never
remove
Wrong verb form
be removed
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 from
Correct pronoun usage
their heart
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heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
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.
Moreover
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,
in
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apply
show examples
these days,
English
Correct article usage
the English
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language
Use synonyms
 is
use
Replace the word
used
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at
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in
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 every place, like
at
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in
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 studies, work interviews and in technology
also
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.
To conclude
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, it is fruitful to become bilingual and
multi-lingual
Use the right word
multilingual
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. As it helps people in different sectors and
rise
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raises
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 their knowledge.

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content
Be clear that you agree with the idea that schools should start a second language. Say why in one or two lines.
content
Give more specific links to school time and how learners will learn the language.
language
Use more simple and short sentences. Fix run-on sentences by using full stops.
structure
Make one main idea per paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
style
End with a short conclusion that restates the main idea.
content
Clear stance on the topic.
content
Some good real examples like India and travel.
content
Reasoning connects to why language helps jobs and travel.
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