Some teachers think that international students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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A group of teachers believe that exchanging international scholars would be advantageous for all school teenagers. I think
this
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is not a positive development because
in
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, in
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that sensitive years, a young student might face a large number of difficulties.
To begin
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with, having an opportunity to study abroad is not a beneficial point for teenagers , owing to, their sensitive age. In
this
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period learners need support from their families because they are dependent on their parents and being far away may cause some psychological problems
such
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as depression.
As a result
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, it will destroy the young future lives,
in addition
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, being in new cultures might have some cultural shocks and adaptation to new behaviours places extra weight on students' minds so they cannot focus completely on their responsibilities ,
thus
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, their scores will decrease.
For example
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, a student living in his/her home town has every kind of accessibilities they need and can go through any situation,
although
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, for those living abroad is an extra challenge to overcome simple tasks because all their duties depend on themselves.
Moreover
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, a case study compared the total scores of two different schools and the national one grades
was
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were
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40% higher,
whereas
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, the other one average number was 10% lower.
On the other hand
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, moving abroad for students can have some positive opportunities that are beneficial for their personality,
for instance
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, an open-minded view and a more mature character.
However
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, in those early ages, it can be difficult to deal with those challenges,
also
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, that individual can go overseas when grows up enough and is ready for hardships. In conclusion, moving abroad for students is a challenge for the teenagehood. In my view, the negative aspects of
this
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chance are more than the benefits,
furthermore
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, scholars can study in international positions when they finish primary school.
Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on

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development of ideas
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coherence
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language accuracy
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engagement with topic
Your essay provides a clear viewpoint, engaging with the question of whether the advantages of international student exchanges outweigh the disadvantages.
essay structure
You've structured your essay well with an introduction, development of your main points, and a conclusion, which aids in your coherence and cohesion.
balanced argument
Including both sides of the argument before concluding enhances the comprehensiveness of your response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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