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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A bar chart shows five countries wherw Australian students studied from 2004 to 2006.

A bar chart shows five countries wherw Australian students studied from 2004 to 2006.
The provided bar graph represents the number of
Australian
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students
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 studied in different countries within a time span of three years, from 2004 to 2016. It can be clear, really seen that the USA and New Zealand are greater in
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proportion
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the proportion
a proportion
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 of the
Australian
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students
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 above 2500 as compared to the UK, Germany and
Japan
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 throughout the whole three
year
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period
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. The
proportion
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 of
students
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 in the USA and New Zealand increased by each
year
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 of
given
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a given
the given
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period
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. A similar trend of increment in the number of
students
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 in the UK can be seen from 2004 to 2005, but the
proportion
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 of
students
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 remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in 2006 as of 2005
that is
Linking Words
 slightly more than 1500. The
proportion
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 of
Australian
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 student in Germany were nearly 200
in
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at
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 the start of the time
period
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, and
then
Linking Words
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased to fewer more than 100.
However
Linking Words
,
in
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at
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 the end of the given
period
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, it approached
to
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apply
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200 in Germany. The figure
of
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for
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Australian
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students
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 in
Japan
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 was 200 in 2006 and a sudden decrease occurred in
very
Correct article usage
the very
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 next
year
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, and only 100
students
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 enrolled in
Japan
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.
Then
Linking Words
 a gradual increase in the
last
Linking Words
year
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 of time spent can be seen in
Japan
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, with the number of
students
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 slightly higher than the previous
year
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. (i. e fewer more than 100)

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australian, students, proportion, japan, year, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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