Some people think that money is a one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #happiness

Many people believe that

much

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

money

is a major reason for happiness. But I don't think that people can be happy without

money

in their lives now,

therefore

many

Correct quantifier usage

much

show examples

proof

Change to a plural noun

proofs

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

it. First and foremost,

money

can make everything possible and available in various situations.

For instance

, when someone from

wealthy

Correct article usage

a wealthy

show examples

family moving place in

queue

Correct article usage

a queue

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

organ

Add an article

an organ

show examples

donor

Fix the agreement mistake

donors

show examples

while

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

someone can not even pay operation. Perhaps,

this

situation can be unfair or like selfishness, it is just a material

unequally

Change the word

unequal

show examples

injustice, that had not changed from the past. Of course,

gour

Correct your spelling

your

own

money

has a big impact on your quality of life. It’s going to impact everything from the kinds of food you eat, to where you live and the car you drive.

However

, these improvements will only make you happier to a point.

On the other hand

money

can not always be

reason

Add an article

the reason

a reason

show examples

for joy. It

also

can be kind

Correct your spelling

show examples

Change preposition

of things

show examples

things

Fix the agreement mistake

thing

show examples

hobby

Add an article

a hobby

show examples

, love, family, friendship or just

a little moments

Correct the article-noun agreement

little moments

a little moment

show examples

in your life.

Such

as victory in

competition

Correct article usage

a competition

show examples

, where you spent your valuable time and power. And

pleasure

Add an article

the pleasure

show examples

that you take from it and

memories

Correct article usage

the memories

show examples

that you remember will always be the happiest for short time. In conclusion, in my point of view,

money

is a major factor, that can make us joyful, but,

nevertheless

Add a comma

,nevertheless

show examples

there are

also

some reasons to be happy without

money

, but they can not impact

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

happiness like

money

Submitted by seitbekovaarailym on Fri Mar 17 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

239 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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Some people think that money is a one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree?

Today, many people do not know thier neighbours in large cities. What problems does this causes ? What can be done about this?

Some people spend a lot of money celebrating personal family events, such as weddings and birthdays. How important is it to celebrate such events? Do you think people spend too much money on these events?

It is often said that governments spend too much money on project to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important? Do you agree or disagree?