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Band 6

Some people believe that money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #money #gift #teenagers
People have different views about whether or not receiving
money
 as a gift on teenagers' birthdays is one of the most incredible presents.
While
 some people disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 opinion, I support those who believe that a financial award is crucial. On the one hand, there are some teens who are passionate about taking many things except
money
 on their special days.
For instance
, many girls are usually keen on various flowers,
such
 as roses and tulips. They would rather receive them
instead
 of
money
 as their moods improve when they see or even smell flowers.
Furthermore
, a lot of young people want to celebrate their birthdays,
hanging
Change preposition
by hanging
show examples
 out with their friends or relatives. They do not think that
money
 is vital for them since they consider that spending time with their loved ones is better than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cash.
Although
 several teenagers do not would like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial gain, I believe that
money
 is very crucial among all teenagers, nowadays
due to
 some reasons.
Firstly
, if their households and friends provide them with
money
, they can do anything they want.
For example
, they may buy necessary things which are
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on their studies.
Secondly
,
money
 creates many great opportunities for them.
For instance
, they might collect all
money
 which is given
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 on their birthdays by their family members.
As a result
, they can use
this earnings
Change the determiner
these earnings
show examples
 for their future, going abroad or purchasing luxurious items.
Moreover
, they might spend
this
money
 on
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
show examples
, which is the best activity in the world. In conclusion,
while
 some think that there are many more important things than
money
 to receive on
Correct article usage
the days
show examples
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
 that they were born, I promote those who consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cash
is
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 the best gift.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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