Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A group of people believe that when authorities fund in the cities facilities like entertainment places, they have a society that does not have mental issues. I subscribe to
this
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perspective owing to the fact that
this
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development creates a chance for the population to have high lifestyle quality and improve social behaviour. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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really important is that when communities have a range of choices for spending their free time like sports centres, cafes, Cinemas, and so on, they are encouraged to go out.
In addition
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, parks provide an opportunity for the community to do various sports, picnics and so forth in a tranquil area with their friends or family.
As a result
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, they can restore their energy and their efficiency in their work climb.
On the other hand
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, city amenities help people to hold several events, competitions,and festivals at different times really comfortably inasmuch as they do not need to spend too much money for their places.
Consequently
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, the individuals are able to participate and communicate with each other and enhance their social manners.
For example
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, the community who visit the food festival in the cities' hall lot and most restaurants can find the best workers for themselves.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, the facilities and budgets that governments invest in have a lot of effect on people's community spirit on account of the fact that they aid them to have a chance to spend their free time in special pastime places.
Moreover
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, they can meet new society members and interact with them.

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task achievement
Consider clarifying your main argument more explicitly in the introduction. Make it clear that you agree with the statement and briefly outline why in your opening. This can help set the tone for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your ideas more smoothly. For instance, use transition phrases like 'furthermore', or 'in addition' when adding information.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, you could improve phrases like 'the society that does not have mental issues' to 'a society with fewer mental health issues'. This enhances clarity.
task achievement
You clearly understand the topic and present a point of view that is consistent throughout your essay. This is important in demonstrating task achievement.
task achievement
Your essay includes some relevant examples, such as mentioning parks and food festivals, which enhance your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • community spirit
  • local amenities
  • leisure centres
  • quality of life
  • socialize
  • engagement
  • focal points
  • inclusive
  • civic pride
  • public welfare
  • community development
  • tailored
  • unique needs
  • effectively contribute
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