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Band 6

Some people today have argued that countries should interfere less in the affairs of other nations To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #countries #affairs #nations
Due to
 globalization,
countries
 have more relationships with each other. These days some communities discuss that governments should not interfere in each other decisions. I strongly agree with
this
 notion because they are capable
to fulfil
Change preposition
of fulfilling
show examples
 other nations’ desires and eliminating local policies in those
countries
.
Firstly
, it is important to note that foreign societies are not able to govern other
countries
.
In other words
, when other governments try to
control
 other
countries
 they will see that are inept at it because governing a society needs much different knowledge like the culture of the
people
 who are living in that area
moreover
, they should know how
people
 will be behaved by decisions that they may have made.
For example
, when England tried to
control
 India we saw that they faced a big failure because
people
 were not happy with the decisions.
In addition
, to
be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 not enough expertise of foreign communities to interfere in other societies, and the damage the local
countries
 might have is not irrefutable. In
this
 case, when a government are trying to have
control
 of another
country
, they somehow make a local policy useless because nothing would be decided by local politician
furthermore
 the native society will be dependent on other order.
For instance
,
Greek
Correct your spelling
Greece
show examples
 is a
country
that is
 controlled by Europe and they do not have their own government which is so dangerous for them because they need Europe's attention to live.
On the other hand
, some may claim that
this
 is good to be controlled by others who are more powerful so, they can easily rely on them and improve their
country
, but
this
 view cannot be overlooked
due to
 the loss of
control
 of their home. They will have lost their home if they accept
this
 behaviour of foreigners. In conclusion, nowadays the majority of
people
 believe that
outers
Correct your spelling
outsiders
show examples
 should interfere less in the
country
's actions.
Submitted by mahdiniknejad on

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are somewhat underdeveloped and could benefit from more elaboration and clarity. Make sure to clearly introduce the topic and provide a strong conclusion that summarizes your stance.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task question, addressing the argument and presenting relevant supporting ideas. However, ensure that your examples are more specific and relevant to the points you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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