IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #health #care #education #government #responsibility
A certain amount of the community argues that
health
care
 and
education
 ought to be paid for by the government,
while
 the rest considers that it is beyond the government's
care
. I believe that the government should provide basic
education
 and
health
 treatment free of cost,
while
 each individual is recommended to pay for their higher
education
 and other types of
health
care
. The authority must give fundamental
education
 and
health
services
such
 as preventative
care
 for free for its residents. Because expenditures on
education
 and
health
 improve the quality of life.
For example
, statistics show that the quality of life of Japanese
people
 is high in terms of
health
 and
education
.
Therefore
, there is a need for authority intervention in the
education
 and
health
 sectors.
Furthermore
, every resident ought to pay for their higher
education
 and
health
services
 namely surgery since colleges will try to offer better
education
 and
services
 as they always compete to attract paying students.
For instance
, in Japan universities improve their programs and hire better professors, leading to a higher quality of
education
. Another reason is if
people
 pay for some treatments, it helps keep the healthcare system running smoothly for everyone. One clear example is that in Uzbekistan
people
 pay a portion of the cost when they need surgery.
Hence
,
people
 are responsible for their higher
education
 and advanced
health
 treatment. In conclusion,
although
 basic
education
 and
health
services
 ought to be paid for by the authority, its residents are
also
 suggested to pay for their higher
education
 and advanced healthcare.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, consider adding more supporting details and examples, particularly in the paragraphs discussing higher education and health services. This will make your arguments more compelling and thorough.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your ideas by using more cohesive devices and transition words. This will make your essay easier to follow and understand.
task achievement
You have presented a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both views and providing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written and effectively summarize your arguments.

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