IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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A certain amount of the community argues that
health
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care
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 and
education
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 ought to be paid for by the government,
while
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 the rest considers that it is beyond the government's
care
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. I believe that the government should provide basic
education
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 and
health
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 treatment free of cost,
while
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 each individual is recommended to pay for their higher
education
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 and other types of
health
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care
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. The authority must give fundamental
education
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 and
health
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services
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such
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 as preventative
care
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 for free for its residents. Because expenditures on
education
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 and
health
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 improve the quality of life.
For example
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, statistics show that the quality of life of Japanese
people
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 is high in terms of
health
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 and
education
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.
Therefore
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, there is a need for authority intervention in the
education
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 and
health
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 sectors.
Furthermore
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, every resident ought to pay for their higher
education
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 and
health
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services
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 namely surgery since colleges will try to offer better
education
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 and
services
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 as they always compete to attract paying students.
For instance
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, in Japan universities improve their programs and hire better professors, leading to a higher quality of
education
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. Another reason is if
people
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 pay for some treatments, it helps keep the healthcare system running smoothly for everyone. One clear example is that in Uzbekistan
people
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 pay a portion of the cost when they need surgery.
Hence
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,
people
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 are responsible for their higher
education
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 and advanced
health
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 treatment. In conclusion,
although
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 basic
education
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 and
health
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services
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 ought to be paid for by the authority, its residents are
also
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 suggested to pay for their higher
education
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 and advanced healthcare.

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task achievement
To improve your essay, consider adding more supporting details and examples, particularly in the paragraphs discussing higher education and health services. This will make your arguments more compelling and thorough.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your ideas by using more cohesive devices and transition words. This will make your essay easier to follow and understand.
task achievement
You have presented a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both views and providing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written and effectively summarize your arguments.
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