IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society< To what exent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In these
Change preposition
These
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 days,
people
Use synonyms
 sometimes confuse what is freedom and making crimes.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
this
Linking Words
 point, making legislation from governments can make us more
safely
Replace the word
safe
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. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement in two parts.
Firstly
Linking Words
, thanks to the legislation in part of
environment
Add an article
the environment
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can intake safe drinkable water.
For example
Linking Words
, A factory
possible
Change the word
possibly
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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 some
garbage
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 their working. The manager of
this
Linking Words
 factory made a decision to emit
this
Linking Words
garbage
Use synonyms
 near their ocean or river. If the
garbage
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throw
Change the verb form
throws
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 out
to
Change preposition
apply
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near the rivers, the
people
Use synonyms
 who live near
this
Linking Words
 area might drink
pollution
Replace the word
polluted
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 water, and it can cause serious
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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.
This
Linking Words
 series of
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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 seemed to relate freewill of the factory owner, but it is actually illegal
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the
government
Use synonyms
 made the rule not to emit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
garbage
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 oceans and rivers.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
Linking Words
 point,
people
Use synonyms
 can drink safe water.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 interventions make
people
Use synonyms
 not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
commit crimes. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
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 think that CCTV
interrupt
Change the verb form
interrupts
show examples
 their freedom.
However
Linking Words
, installing CCTVs where the
areas
Change noun form
area's
areas'
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 crime rates are high,
due to
Linking Words
 inquiring of the governments,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can inhibit
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime and make feel
people
Use synonyms
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 point of view, to make more safe society, the
government
Use synonyms
 should make intervention through making some
legislations
Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should follow the rules that the
government
Use synonyms
 made. In
this
Linking Words
 process, nowadays we are living in a better world.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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