The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society< To what exent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
days,
people
sometimes confuse what is freedom and making crimes.
In
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On
show examples
this
point, making legislation from governments can make us more
safely
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safe
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. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
statement in two parts.
Firstly
, thanks to the legislation in part of
environment
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the environment
show examples
,
people
can intake safe drinkable water.
For example
, A factory
possible
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possibly
show examples
make
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makes
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some
garbage
while
their working. The manager of
this
factory made a decision to emit
this
garbage
near their ocean or river. If the
garbage
throw
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throws
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out
to
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apply
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near the rivers, the
people
who live near
this
area might drink
pollution
Replace the word
polluted
show examples
water, and it can cause serious
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
.
This
series of
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
seemed to relate freewill of the factory owner, but it is actually illegal
,
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apply
show examples
because the
government
made the rule not to emit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
garbage
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
oceans and rivers.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
point,
people
can drink safe water.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
interventions make
people
not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
commit crimes. Most
of
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apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
think that CCTV
interrupt
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interrupts
show examples
their freedom.
However
, installing CCTVs where the
areas
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area's
areas'
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crime rates are high,
due to
inquiring of the governments,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can inhibit
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime and make feel
people
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
. In
this
point of view, to make more safe society, the
government
should make intervention through making some
legislations
Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
show examples
.
Moreover
,
people
should follow the rules that the
government
made. In
this
process, nowadays we are living in a better world.
Submitted by hayoung2cho on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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