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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is believed that banning junk food is the best way to reduce the problem of obesity among individuals. Do you agree or disagree?

#junk #food #obesity #individuals
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It has been argued by many individuals that
forbiding
Correct your spelling
forbidding
 street
food
Use synonyms
 is the optimal method to decrease the issue of
heavy weight
Correct your spelling
heavyweight
show examples
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the citizens. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 given statement and
this
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 essay shall shed light upon my perspective in the subsequent paragraphs
along with
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 a reasoned conclusion. Foremost, the prominent cause behind my disagreement is that there are more other factors which give fitness to the population
such
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 as daily
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 part in
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
outdoor activities,
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 their own work by themself and many more. When
people
Use synonyms
 focus on that types of things, they would protect
from
Correct pronoun usage
themselves from
show examples
 health
aiments
Correct your spelling
ailments
aliments
.
For example
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, a
suvey
Correct your spelling
survey
 conducted by Harward University revealed that 65% of the commoners do not take junk
food
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 and
perfome
Correct your spelling
perform
perfume
 countless tasks
in
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on
show examples
 the ground or
parks
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in parks
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 with the assistance of
this
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 they have survived
from
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apply
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obesity.
Hence
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, there are
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 for
people
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's upcoming life. Paradoxically, the fundamental ground behind my agreement is that in
this
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 contemporary era, parents have
hectic
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a hectic
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schedule
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schedules
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, so
that is
Linking Words
 why they order
ready made
Add a hyphen
ready-made
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food
Use synonyms
 which is
cook
Wrong verb form
cooked
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 within
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes and it puts adverse impact on human
beings
Change noun form
beings'
being's
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 stomach as it is more oily and
provide
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provides
show examples
 bad fat in their bodies.
Consequently
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, humans may face
hurdle
Add an article
the hurdle
show examples
 of fatness.
For instance
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, it is published an article by The Tribune newspaper showed that approximately 45% of the crowd
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
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 to eat street
food
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 because it is delicious as compared to
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
food
Use synonyms
. If
people
Use synonyms
 less use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it, they could reduce that disease among the masses.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 will have good
doet
Correct your spelling
diet
 in their daily routine with
this
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 they can secure from heaviness, but there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 numerous process to solve
this
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 problem.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

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