IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Bar graph shows 7 genres in the US

Bar graph shows 7 genres in the US
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The bar graph illustrates that popular movie genres in 7 sections
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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encourage people to come to cinemas in
three
Use synonyms
 individual
years
Use synonyms
(1995, 2001,2005)
Overall
Linking Words
, the profits in part of Drama and Comedy were mainstream in
three
Use synonyms
 different
years
Use synonyms
. In the contrast, the money that came from Thriller, Musicals,
Animation
Correct word choice
and Animation
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 were low. Looking at the graph more closely, in 1995, the benefits from Drama was the famous genre at that time and it is almost about 28%.
In addition
Linking Words
, both
years
Use synonyms
 in
2000
Correct pronoun usage
both 2000
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 and 2005, the most famous genre was Comedy.
In other words
Linking Words
,
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 trend was seen in
early
Change the article
the early
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 2000s.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, in the section of
Thriller
Fix the agreement mistake
Thrillers
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, Musicals and Animation were not famous to people in
three
Use synonyms
 individual
years
Use synonyms
. And these
three
Use synonyms
 sections in the bar graph were similar
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
, which is under 10%.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words three, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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