IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Although parents are responsible for rising a child, outside influence play a key role in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#parents #child #influence #role #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One
Use synonyms
 of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is the growth of younger generations and the possible influence of other people. There is a widespread worry that
this
Linking Words
 will only lead to a myriad of concerns in society. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 apprehension is warranted and merits serious consideration. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 apprehension because
children
Use synonyms
 are fragile and we have to support their growth.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are several arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant
one
Use synonyms
 is that parents have to educate their adolescents. To elaborate
further
Linking Words
, any
time
Use synonyms
 you can go out and see a group of youngsters making noise on the street or doing something wrong
this
Linking Words
 happens most of the
time
Use synonyms
 when the parents do not give too much attention to education.
For Example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 "Age magazine December 2222 Edition" the
time
Use synonyms
 spent by
children
Use synonyms
 is less since the arrival of Social Media, adults use to spend more dates on the telephone than with their
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
 is the outside influence.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if adolescents spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on the street
instead
Linking Words
 to use that
time
Use synonyms
 to do sports it is possible that someone in the group makes a bad influence. Few comprehensive studies have been conducted, but
one
Use synonyms
 from " The University of Sydney" showed that it is possible to develop our nation through popular management of give something to do to our guys.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is apparent why many are in favour of
children
Use synonyms
's growth.
To conclude
Linking Words
 the arguments outlined above,
one
Use synonyms
 can conclude that all these benefits are indeed too dire to ignore. It is recommended that government should converge all the respective departments to curb
this
Linking Words
 menace.
Submitted by simone.petrarchi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: