IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #music #cultures #ages
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It is considered that
music
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 represents
the
Correct article usage
apply
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various
culture
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 with no
age
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 limits. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion and think that
music
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 has no barriers to
combine
Wrong verb form
combining
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 the different
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culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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as well as
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age
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limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
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.
Firstly
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, I believe that most of the
music
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 brings the cultural value of
people
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, and it represents the background of
nations
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.
Therefore
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, all
the
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apply
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nations
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 have their own
music
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 desires.
For instance
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, western countries have pop and rap
music
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, and it is
identification
Correct article usage
an identification
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 of their own desires.
Also
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, most of the
Indians
Replace the word
Indian
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 song has their own
identification
Replace the word
identity
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 and Sri Lankans obsess with their
music
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cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
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.
Therefore
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, most of the Indian songs have
translated
Add a missing verb
been translated
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to
Change preposition
into
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 the Sinhala version.
This
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 is the evidence to say, there is no boundary between the
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culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 changes in
the
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apply
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music
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.
Moreover
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,
music
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 depends on the taste of
people
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, and it is not created for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one
age
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 group. Because most of the
music
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 creates for the feel.
However
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, from our
birth
Add a comma
,birth
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 every
people
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 listen to
music
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 based on their situation whether it is sad or happy.
Music
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 can heal the mind of
people
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. As an example, all generations still listen to the
music
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 of well-known singer Michelle Jackson even after his death.
Therefore
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,
music
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 cannot divide
on
Change preposition
by
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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age
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
music
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 can connect the whole world together
as well as
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 it is the best way to bring the value of
culture
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should carry out the values to highlight their
nations
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 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
nations
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.
Submitted by uddeepa.eashani96 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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