IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Economic growth is the best way of ending global poverty but it can also have a negative effect on the environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Economic development is an adequate way of ending global poverty, but it can
also
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 have a bad effect on the
environment
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. In my perspective,
while
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 economic growth could negatively affect the
environment
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, it could benefit the livelihood of people in the surrounding area through job recruitment and social events. On the one hand, the rise of the economic cycle in some areas is often followed by changes in that location.
For instance
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, a mining
company
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 that runs on the field always begins its activity
with
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by
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 clearing some trees.
Subsequently
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, it excavates soil and searches for valuable deposits. Those practices could affect the
environment
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 if the deposit contacts water.
Consequently
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, it becomes a waste that makes the surrounding area unhealthy.
However
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, that effect could be avoided if a
company
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 does its requirements and regulations correctly.
On the other hand
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, when a corporation runs its business properly in some place, it could give more advantages to its
environment
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, including the society that lives there.
Firstly
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, the folk who live near the
company
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 area could be a priority as the new employees. They could sign as local people and have more opportunities to be accepted.
Secondly
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, they have enrolled as an employee who could foster their skills through regular training as a
company
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 always improves their people to obtain better output.
Furthermore
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, a corporation would surely share its positive effects on others'
environment
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 through social programmes. In conclusion,
although
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 the increase in economic activity usually involves neglect of environmental stewardship, it could be advantageous for the folk's revenue through job recruitment and social events.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus. In some parts, ideas run into each other without transitions or clear separation, which can confuse readers.
task achievement
Make sure to balance both sides of the argument more equally. The negative effects of economic growth are introduced well, but the positive aspects could be elaborated further.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or data to support your claims about economic growth and its effects on the environment and society. Examples can add strength to your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of both economic growth and environmental concerns, which aligns well with the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Language use is generally clear and effective, with some good vocabulary choices relevant to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Global poverty
  • Employment opportunities
  • Industries
  • Welfare programs
  • Infrastructure development
  • Technological advancements
  • Productivity
  • Environmental degradation
  • Deforestation
  • Pollution
  • Natural resources
  • GDP growth
  • Sustainability
  • Sustainable development
  • Environmental protection
  • Long-term impacts
  • Integrated policies
  • Green technologies
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