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Band 5

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
It is believed
some
Change preposition
by some
show examples
people
 that to halt ailments and probable illnesses,
pollution
 and housing issues have more importance than other problems
thus
governments
 ought to increase their interests. I mostly agree with
this
 suggestion because environmental
pollution
 leads to corrupt raw materials of foods and housing problems give rise to
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 of unsheltered
people
 who are more likely to get illnesses.
Firstly
,
governments
 should tend to the affair of environmental
pollution
. In recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, most
people
 have become more vulnerable to get
Add an article
the disease
show examples
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 because of air
pollution
 and soil
pollution
. Especially, soil
pollution
 is
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 as the most destructive factor for nature by scientists.
This
 type of
pollution
 causes to corrupt plants
as well as
kill
Correct subject-verb agreement
kills
show examples
 insects. Many
livings
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 have affected negatively these situations. To illustrate that, as we
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans are at the top of the food chain, we get poisons by plants,
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 and livestock.
Subsequently
, these poisons lead to some diseases and illnesses and we may contaminate each other.
Thus
, environmental
pollution
 takes an important place to be prevented by
governments
.
Secondly
,
housing
Add an article
the housing
show examples
 problem is
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
 factor in terms of
people
’s health. Numerous individuals have not got any place to live in cities and
this
 situation entails to be solved by authorities. In these circumstances, they catch
cold
Change the article
a cold
show examples
 and get many microbes which lead to
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of ailments.
Hence
, whether having a house or not,
people
 may suffer from these diseases. In extreme cases, contamination risks of diseases may slightly increase in the long term because of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 of
people
 contact.
Thus
,
governments
 should focus to solve
this
 problem as a prior. In conclusion, causes and examples can be multiplied with
this
 suggestion.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are many problems to be solved for public health, in my opinion, environmental
pollution
 and housing issues should be handled by
governments
 as
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 effective factors due
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 critical hazards. 47 dk.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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