IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #home #area #study #work #cities #development
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In
this
 era of globalisation, more youngsters have
leave
Change the verb form
left
show examples
 their home town to pursue their studies or work in the urban
areas
. From my personal point of view, the main reasons are because cities provide
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
better facilities and job opportunities compared to
small
Add an article
a small
the small
show examples
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 benefits and drawbacks of
such
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
show examples
. The first and foremost advantage of living in the
city
 is that it offers
people
 with
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of amenities which
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
people
 to develop their skills and knowledge.
Due to
 advances in technology and better learning equipment,
conurbantion
Correct your spelling
conurbation
conurbations
 gives an excellent education system.
For example
, in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
, universities are rarely found
due to
small
Correct article usage
the small
show examples
 numbers of
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
.
Moreover
,
metropolis
Fix the agreement mistake
metropolia
show examples
 become
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
areas
Fix the agreement mistake
area
show examples
 for postgraduates who
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
after
Change preposition
for
show examples
 job vacancies, as
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of companies or small businesses are
establish
Change the form of the verb
established
show examples
 there.
Consequently
, all these help to level up the standard of living and pursue the dream career of a person.
On the other hand
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 to
this
 development. One of the cons is it gives economic downturn to
remote
Add an article
the remote
show examples
territory
Fix the agreement mistake
territories
show examples
. As more
people
 migrate to the
city
, it will reduce the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of
isolated
Add an article
the isolated
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 because limited numbers of skilled
people
 contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural's development. To cite an example, research has shown that the majority of
people
 who suffer
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 serious illness travel to
city
areas
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 the medical equipment are modern and more professional doctors
available
Add a missing verb
are available
show examples
 for
chronical
Correct your spelling
chronic
 health issues.
Thus
, all these benefits
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead the rural communities
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to shift to the town. In the nutshell,
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 area provided
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
better job opportunities and facilities for
people
 to pursue their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 or studies.
However
,
this
 gives a negative
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
econmic
Correct your spelling
economic
 of
rural
Add an article
the rural
show examples
 side as more talented parties move to modern
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Therefore
, the authorities and communities should encourage society in
Add an article
an
show examples
effort to balance both
areas
.
Submitted by adilah070720 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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