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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
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It seems natural and reasonable for parents to serve as a protector and guide for their youngsters, shielding them from missteps.
However
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, as important as
this
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 may be, overprotection can sometimes hinder the development of essential life skills. On the one hand, keeping
children
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 from committing
mistakes
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 is essentially protecting them from potential negative consequences associated with these
mistakes
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.
Mistakes
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 made at a young age can result in serious mental or physical damages, which include using tools without supervision, ignorance of road safety, or even addiction to drugs or alcohol. In other situations,
mistakes
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 mean bad life choices. With their carefree and playful nature, young people can be easily tempted to drop out of school, unaware of its repercussions on their future.
Hence
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, adults should intervene and prevent
children
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 from making
mistakes
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 as much as possible.
On the other hand
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, making
mistakes
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 is one of the most valuable lessons for
children
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. For one thing,
although
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 making
mistakes
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 is an inevitable part of adult life, not all adults are capable of handling them in a healthy and productive way. Being allowed to make
mistakes
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 in their early years is a good practice to help
children
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 develop the ability to accept their
mistakes
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 and learn from them, building up their self-esteem along the way. For another thing, parents’ perception of
mistakes
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 is exceedingly subjective, greatly depending on their past experiences.
Therefore
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,
instead
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 of shielding
children
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 from serious harm and danger, adults may end up depriving them of opportunities to gain precious memories and experiences that can shape their character and prepare them for adulthood. In conclusion, I believe that overprotection can be harmful as it weakens
children
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’s ability to accept
mistakes
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 and stifles their growth. Too much emphasis on perfectionism can lead to a dull and
colorless
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colourless
show examples
 upbringing.
Submitted by theshamerider0 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner, using appropriate transitions and logical sequencing of information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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