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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below describes the structure of a home smokery and how it works.

The diagram below describes the structure of a home smokery and how it works.
#structure #home #smokery #works
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The diagram given provides information about the stage
on
Change preposition
of
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 how a home smokery works.
Overall
Linking Words
 there are three stages on how to make a foggy for cooking. Two steps happen on
underground
Add an article
the underground
an underground
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level
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 and the remaining step happens on the
above ground
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above-ground
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level
Use synonyms
. As shown in the diagram,
firstly
Linking Words
 there is a
lid
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, which can be
open
Wrong verb form
opened
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 and
close
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closed
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. The first
lid
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 has a function to let the fresh
air
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 in. When the first
lid
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 opens, the fresh
air
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come
Change the verb form
comes
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in to
Join the words
into
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 the installation and goes to the
chamber
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 below the ground
level
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, the fresh
air
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 passes through the second
chamber
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the second
lid
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 in stage two
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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function
Fix the agreement mistake
functions
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 as a door to let in the wooden
of
Change preposition
apply
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logs.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 stage occurs, the fresh
air
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 flows through the installation and contributes to the combustion process, which
help
Change the verb form
helps
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 the process of burning wooden logs.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 process has
done
Add a missing verb
been done
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, the smoke
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
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 and passed through the
chamber
Use synonyms
 installation.
Finally
Linking Words
, the smoke goes to the
chamber
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 above ground
level
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, which placed the hanging food (fish and meat) for cooking.
Submitted by mdelvega90 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words level, lid, air, chamber with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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