Sending criminals to the prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
To reduce crime in a society, education and awareness play a crucial role.
Although
Linking Words
sending defaulters to jail is not a predominant way of dealing with the situation, providing education and employment can help to reduce crime in society. In my opinion, the best way to deal with the offences is to provide them with knowledge and job opportunities. To commence with, most of the defaulters commit violations because of a lack of knowledge as they are illiterate citizens.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the Government should educate them by providing training so that lawbreakers obey the legal rules of the country so that everyone lives peacefully.
For instance
Linking Words
, In India, 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of offences decreased in the
last
Linking Words
5 years as the high authority organized awareness and training programs to educate the offenders
instead
Linking Words
of solely giving the punishment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the prominent reason for breaking the law of society is unemployment because individuals do not have money to survive independently so they try to adopt the wrong path to earn cash. Being feel like broken youngsters addicted to drugs and do robbery or even kill the person for their profit.
Hence
Linking Words
, the Government must encourage the rulebreakers to get training related to skill trade so that they can able to get a job in their life which helps them to become a good citizen.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I opine that if the offenders get the prison
then
Linking Words
the Government should educate them by providing various programs so that they can get employment in their real life which reduces the violence in the nation.
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure you use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas together logically and throughout paragraphs. This includes using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, conjunctions to connect sentences, and lexical chains for topic consistency.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they would benefit from a clearer thesis statement and a more concise summary of the main arguments. Try to refine these sections further for a stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and evidence. While the essay provides general examples, including specific, relevant instances will enhance the argumentative strength of the essay.
task achievement
To achieve a higher task achievement score, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt with a complete and thorough response. While you provide clear ideas, deeper exploration and elaboration on these ideas will contribute to a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but strive for depth and complexity in your discussion. This means providing nuanced arguments and considering counterarguments to show a broader understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Use more varied sentence structures to express ideas, and pay attention to grammatical accuracy to improve the overall quality of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: