IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many goverments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#goverments #progress #people #country
Many governments argue that economical boom and
progress
 are more important than any other topic in a country,
while
 others claim that other
topics
 are as important as
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
. In
this
 essay,
however
, I agree with the latter group, I will explain both these
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of view . There is a main reason why governments prioritise economic
progress
.
Governments
Change noun form
Governments'
Government's
show examples
 financial matters are certainly based on economic
progress
. if it does not go well , politicians will face a lack of budget. All the economical
progress
 ,like taxes, supports
Correct article usage
the authorities
show examples
authorities
Change noun form
authorities'
authority's
show examples
 budget. To illustrate,
last
 year in Iran when the economy went bust, politicians issued a statement regarding their biggest concern about the lack of budget ahead.
On the other hand
, some people are of the opinion that there is a wide range of
topics
 that are the same important as
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. For society
topics
such
 as art, literacy, science, culture and so on are important as well.
For example
, after the second world war most of the countries which were destroyed and damaged
as a consequence
 of
war
Correct article usage
the war
show examples
 decided to just focus on
economical
Add an article
the economical
show examples
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
 to bring the boom back to their country, on the
conterary
Correct your spelling
contrary
, Vienna came up with a smart idea and decided to renovate its
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 and bring back the art which had been lost through the war and, after a couple of years Vienna could solve all its financial and
unfinancial
Correct your spelling
nonfinancial
 problems. Many authorities presume that financial
progress
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 significantly
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 than other
topics
 in a country,
while
 some citizens do not think so. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 other
topics
 like art and science and so on are equally important
Submitted by adelkhoosogol on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: